tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post2737247725457368399..comments2023-03-31T06:54:09.205-04:00Comments on Just Add One Chinese Sister: Going back to the previous post..., yeah, let's go there...we can learn from each other...Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post-21858742014901337272010-02-03T08:44:05.038-05:002010-02-03T08:44:05.038-05:00Thanks for your insight Campbell, I couldn't a...Thanks for your insight Campbell, I couldn't agree more.<br /><br />"If you're adopted, you weren't abandoned."....love this line.t~https://www.blogger.com/profile/16661748211204975504noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post-27447440246369083872010-02-03T06:47:59.467-05:002010-02-03T06:47:59.467-05:00It's not that difficult to understand why some...It's not that difficult to understand why some people are "abandoned" or given up for adoption. <br /><br />What's hard to understand is why some grown adults can't bring themselves to realize that it wasn't something against them personally. The person giving us up didn't know us, period. Yes, for some there is an emotional connection from conception, that's a fact (I wish people would stop kidding themselves that all mothers are maternal and have an instant bond with their baby). But it isn't like they took a look at our face, or listened to us tell a story of our day or sing and then shook their head in disgust or disappointment and walked away saying, "I just can't stomach being anywhere near this person so I'm going to give them away".<br /><br />If you're adopted, you weren't abandoned.Campbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13600505149020853906noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post-32699759850660230002010-02-02T07:57:50.647-05:002010-02-02T07:57:50.647-05:00Didn't you "argue" earlier with Mei-...Didn't you "argue" earlier with Mei-Ling that a child is unable to comprehend having another mother, who they have no contact with, before 5 (or maybe later)?<br /><br />If you really believe that, and Eme is only 2, then I am confused as to why you think it will cause "irreparable" damage to Eme? (since nothing is known about her parents, the quality of their parenting has no bearing in this query) Wouldn't your previous argument support that as long as the transfer happened before the age of 5, in a very short time she will no longer associate you as a mother? Or the rest of your family as "her family"? And after a few years that "place she doesn't know exists?" will be the USA...<br /><br />Since she is less than 5 years old, language will hardly be a setback. Since the brain is capable of quickly learning languages at that age.<br /><br />While I do have a heart for those children you cared for in foster care, it is logically improper to use that isolated case as support as to why its in Eme's best interest.<br /><br />To be honest, if she's only two, and she was sent back to her native country...I would be highly doubtful that she would even be able to remember what happened 10 years from now. Not only just because of her young age and the whole debate of when someone can start remembering events in their lives. But the fact that she would be returning to her native country and culture. She is going to look like everyone else and talk like everyone else. She will be able to blend in perfectly. There will be no daily reminder that she is different.<br /><br />Comprehending that you were kidnapped and eventually returned is much easier than trying to understand/comprehend that you were abandoned/given up for adoption.InMySeoulhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17767716046414461868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post-48757628199248126762010-02-01T23:55:03.257-05:002010-02-01T23:55:03.257-05:00Just as gain is to us in life, so is loss. Just a...Just as gain is to us in life, so is loss. Just as I cherish each gain, so do I cherish the loss. Without one, the other would mean nothing.<br /><br />I don't torture myself over the what if's, I feel as though I have questions for my daughter that deserve to have answers. She deserves the truth of her life. I believe that knowledge is power and we can do better for our adopted children. If I can't process all this, how will she? I'm learning as I go and have enjoyed all the different thoughts and perspectives.t~https://www.blogger.com/profile/16661748211204975504noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post-67357736061938547522010-02-01T22:25:59.377-05:002010-02-01T22:25:59.377-05:00Your post was extremely moving. Thanks for openin...Your post was extremely moving. Thanks for opening your heart and giving us the perspective of someone who has had to give up a child.Stacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09370651051966431389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post-63538794448045250222010-01-31T14:40:01.709-05:002010-01-31T14:40:01.709-05:00T ~ There is also a teen adopted from China from o...T ~ There is also a teen adopted from China from our home state who reunited with his biological family. You can read about it here:<br /><br />http://afamilyreunited.blogspot.com/2009_09_01_archive.html<br /><br />And - again - I am so sorry about the loss y'all experienced. That must have been so very difficult.a Tonggu Mommahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01365812914466181060noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post-59903694535397436322010-01-31T11:23:12.559-05:002010-01-31T11:23:12.559-05:00There is always so much to learn in your honest po...There is always so much to learn in your honest posts. At least your twins deep inside know what a real family and love is because of you. It may be covered beneath pain but it's there for them to seek as they get older. That struggle has taught you how to protect your daughter.Trudyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04244221202675419513noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post-9147883205671605812010-01-30T22:06:37.811-05:002010-01-30T22:06:37.811-05:00Another great post about this whole situation. I ...Another great post about this whole situation. I still can't even put my thoughts into coherent words. thanks for your words.Randihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11618761695944392446noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post-68579763412332500602010-01-30T15:30:16.467-05:002010-01-30T15:30:16.467-05:00I knew your hearts were broken over your twins but...I knew your hearts were broken over your twins but hearing these details I don't really know how you got thru it. I think of G and C who must've been so confused. That said, you certainly have a unique perspective in sorting through all these issues. <br /><br />I still believe the chance of our daughters (I say ours even thought I am still waiting) being stolen is very, very small. We knew nothing of this possibility when we got into this almost 5 years ago in my case and longer ago for you. <br /><br />I agree with your first commenter, that you can't torture yourself over this. I do believe we need to be as educated as we can and think about the tough what ifs, but we can't put ourselves into a mindset that it is probable they were stolen, because it is not.Laurienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post-34549091192791944752010-01-30T12:17:08.389-05:002010-01-30T12:17:08.389-05:00NEVER in my wildest dreams did I imagine that it w...NEVER in my wildest dreams did I imagine that it was possible our child could have been taken from her home unwillingly. I thought by going through a reputable adoption agency, following all the rules, doing all of the necessary paperwork and hoop jumping we doing the right thing.<br /><br />What a bubble I live in. All of this scares the Hell out of me. Am I wrong to want to finish the journey we started, knowing that there is this possibility? All I have ever wanted to be is a mom. I hate that now the possibility is finally within my grasp and there is this darkness creeping in that makes me question. I HATE IT! I have really been struggling lately with all of this and it sucks. Part of me wants to crawl back in my bubble and hide. I know that is not the answer, but right now I don't know how to deal with this?<br /><br />I am so sorry for the pain you and the twins went through. I can't even imagine how difficult that must have been. As hard as this is, I so appreciate you bringing up these topics. I know in the long run it is better to be informed, just wish it didn't hurt so much.<br /><br />sorry to ramble...Polar Bearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13525384893396636212noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post-70822157139116723702010-01-30T10:21:37.423-05:002010-01-30T10:21:37.423-05:00Tonguu Momma, again, you said my thoughts perfect...Tonguu Momma, again, you said my thoughts perfectly.<br /><br />They Called Her Chloe, what a very interesting link. I watched the videos and thought how imperfectly perfect & how enriched the lives are for all involved.<br /><br />TK, yeah...that damn case plan. I feel ya.<br /><br />Tricia, I will sometimes get updates from the pediatricians office, but it's been a very long time since I've gotten one. The last time we saw the twins was 5 1/2 years ago. We were on the beach and they had 2 new siblings. By all accounts, we hear they are fine. <br /><br />Donna, I love this idea!t~https://www.blogger.com/profile/16661748211204975504noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post-82202159616851002242010-01-30T09:04:52.572-05:002010-01-30T09:04:52.572-05:00I honestly can not imagine your pain on having to ...I honestly can not imagine your pain on having to "give" back the twins that became part of your family...The system so needs help to protect these kids from the hell they are having to live in!!<br />Do you know anything about them now and how they are doing? I just can not imagine....Dianahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05590329522054940452noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post-36578788572102943342010-01-29T16:25:08.342-05:002010-01-29T16:25:08.342-05:00Heartbreaking. Would you mind if I ask about the c...Heartbreaking. Would you mind if I ask about the current conditions and ages of the twins ~~ although I'm afraid I already know the answer.<br /><br />respectfully,<br /><br />tricia from detriciahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post-90959023042780763152010-01-29T13:05:34.554-05:002010-01-29T13:05:34.554-05:00I cried reading about your twins. Just thinking a...I cried reading about your twins. Just thinking about their little fists banging on the door begging you to not make them go back "home". Devastating. <br /><br />I was a social worker and I saw this often and each time I sat in my car all by myself and cried my heart out. This is why I wouldn't adopt from our Foster Care system. <br /><br />There's little chance that either of our girls were abducted and sold to an orphanage but we keep our blog public so that their birth family might find them. A simple search of their finding date and location turns up our blog - even on the Chinese search engines (except now blogs are blocked in China but you can get around it using proxy sites).<br /><br />With the help of more than 100 parents who adopted from Maddy's SWI, we created a book of photos of all of the kids listing their baby photo and current photo, Chinese name, birthdate, adoption date and email address. Then we sent the book to the orphanage. None of the families objected to having their email address listed even though it opened a door to birth families being able to find their child and contact them. (We found Maddy's Foster Family this way). I think it's especially interesting that not one single parent objected to having that door open. <br /><br />Donna<br />Our Blog: <a href="http://2happy.typepad.com" rel="nofollow">Double Happiness!</a>Donnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15717351421043156637noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post-59063645335654304902010-01-29T11:26:59.711-05:002010-01-29T11:26:59.711-05:00although I still don't know where I stand on t...although I still don't know where I stand on this issue I respectfully disagree with Anon.....if we don't work through the torment now how do we explain ALL of the possibilities to our daughters and sons later....when they are older- and have researched all of this themselves? we are naive if we think they will not come upon the Hunan reports or stories of stolen children sold to orphanages....I don't want to be blindsided by EK's questions- I'm aware that I most likely will still have to respond "I'm sorry sweet girl, I just don't have an answer to that question"...for almost everything she asks me, but I think if I have done my homework, felt my emotions on the subject now, while she is young.....maybe I can be the one to hold her hand while it is her turn to feel HER emotions later.....I don't think it would be healthy for her to have me breaking down at the possibility of her having been stolen- I want to be secure in my thoughts on the issues when she asks me "what would you do if we found out that was me?".....I'll break down (I'm a cryer!) b/c of her pain- sure....but I need to have worked through my emotions first.......imo.<br />MegMeghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17042120171525403080noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post-48454201584663297792010-01-29T10:15:40.934-05:002010-01-29T10:15:40.934-05:00Bless you and your family T. I can feel your pain...Bless you and your family T. I can feel your pain in your words. I don't know how you survived. You must be a very strong woman. I think anonymous said it well above about Eme's past.Debrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04790496060834618464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post-72188687735809734482010-01-29T08:56:24.604-05:002010-01-29T08:56:24.604-05:00I've been there. We were foster parents to a ...I've been there. We were foster parents to a newborn straight from the hospital. The day they took her from us at almost 10 month old, was the hardest day of my life. I think we had 45 minutes notice to have her packed and ready. We were not even invited or allowed in court. Our word was not heard, nor the baby's. That was the day we sent our adoption paperwork in. Never more would my heart break like that again. It was the 3rd child sent home from our local DFCS office to a home full of drugs and hell. But they worked their case plan!TKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04610883485480445154noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post-17634577410853964342010-01-29T08:16:47.208-05:002010-01-29T08:16:47.208-05:00This is a tough topic. I am still sorting through ...This is a tough topic. I am still sorting through it all.Sandrahttp://jazzieandtahlia.typepad.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post-67881653636824994752010-01-29T05:16:01.965-05:002010-01-29T05:16:01.965-05:00His amother discovered that her two adopted childr...His amother discovered that her two adopted children were indeed stolen from their mother and she has managed to reunite the children with their first mother and is helping to support her and her family. The amother's book on the reunion is worth reading.<br /><br />http://bittersweet-story.blogspot.com/They called her Chloehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12448468657563750708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post-69814293962065173632010-01-29T04:37:05.933-05:002010-01-29T04:37:05.933-05:00As harsh a reality as this is, making the most &qu...As harsh a reality as this is, making the most "ethical" choice is not always in the best interests of the child. And vice versa.<br /><br />I don't believe that "returning" my child would be in her best interests, but I do believe that integrating the two families as much as possible is the wisest course of action. And no, that does not just involve letters and pictures, but telephone calls and visits, too.<br /><br />Secrets are what would have gotten us all into this mess in the first place. Transparency and honesty are the first steps to clawing our way out of it.<br /><br />If, after establishing contact and building relationships, my child asked to return to her first family, well... that's an entirely different ballgame. I'd hope I was strong enough to cede to her wishes, especially since keeping her against her will at that point would ruin our relationship anyway. But somehow I doubt she would wish it. <br /><br />As much as I disagree with how this situation came about, the Anna Mae He case definitely comes to mind. There, the American foster parents actively participated in the separation from her first family, who were Chinese immigrants. After years of court battles, Anna Mae was legally returned to her parents. She moved with them back to China. And she is now, by most news reports, miserable.a Tonggu Mommahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01365812914466181060noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-209647468117242658.post-51656047790764862262010-01-29T01:45:37.185-05:002010-01-29T01:45:37.185-05:00I do not know you. I do not have any adopted child...I do not know you. I do not have any adopted children. In reading your post I feel your pain. My feelings are that you need to stop tormenting yourself. You did not orchestrate Eme's past. God gave her to you. Do not transfer your torment to her, get rid of it and live your life in thansgiving and faith.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com