This palm tree paradise is missing C&H

I'm still on hiatus, but wanted to share all the cuteness of our girls...esp with my Mom, who might be in need of a granddaughter fix. =0)

Things are really rough right now. We are trying some new AT techniques and I'm hoping within several weeks, we will see a big difference with Eme. My girl is extremely insecure and I think I held her for 7 hours yesterday while catching up on 6 loads of laundry, mopping my floors and cleaning the pool lanai while Daddy took the boys golfing. My arms really hurt today and I'm not sure how long I can keep going at the same pace. I'm tired. Dog tired.

A few new facts: Eme is doing the army crawl and is up on all fours and beginning to get the hang of the crawl. She can also pull herself up to a standing position.

She is still a picky eater somewhat. She hates strawberries, but loves blueberries.

She says, "more (while signing) every.single.minutes" or at least is seems like that.

She just wants more, more of anything and everything. She is filling out and getting some meat on her bones.

She won't go to sleep till around 11 and is up at 8:30. Her naps are usually only 20 minutes after I spend an hour trying to get her down. She wakes up full of anxiety and stressed. She will nap in the ergo if I keep going though, it's just I need the time without her strapped to me.

Sometimes in life, you meet someone that just *gets* you all the way around. To have met Colleen on the journey to our daughters was just the first connection that we made, now it's just icing on the cake with the *added* bonus of getting our girls together. Our tastes are very similar & you can tell in our girls clothing. My house was full of lots of noise with 5 kids running around, a dog that won't stay out of the pool and ipods blaring from every angle. There was lots and lots of laughter & lots and lots of tears. Thank you Col for bringing Hannah down for a fun weekend, for being exactly the friend I needed. It's all so surreal that Eme~Grace was here with us this time, we both must have said that a zillion times and just uploading the pics made me say it again. Dreams do come true.

I love ya dearly and can't wait to see you in Sept.

taking a break

All is well with us, it's just that I have zero time to blog and I'm not really feeling it lately.

We are practicing attachment parenting and it takes every bit of me ALL the time. I can't just stick E in the high chair and throw some food on the tray and go get something done, as her provider, I sit and feed each bite to her, so she learns that I will provide for her needs. If she was feeling the warm fuzzies for her Daddy, then he would be the only other person allowed to meet her needs . I hold her, rock her & feed her her bottle, I bathe her, I play on the floor with her and it is me who meets every single one of her needs. I carry her in the ergo 6 hours a day, where she still feels the most safe and secure. I did try the stroller out the other day when we went somewhere and I had to get all gussied up.....however, Eme didn't like it. She was anxious ridden and I didn't care how unfashionable the ergo was or the fact that we were outside in 100 degree thick as thick humidity and sweat was the sexy accessory, my girl was going in the ergo.

As hard as it is on me now, I am glad that Eme is showing me that all is not well in her heart by her anxiety when I am out of sight for 2 seconds or when something doesn't feel right to her, her cry reminds me that she needs me. It makes it easier on me to KNOW without a doubt that I can't hand her off to anybody because I THINK she is an easy going girl and she'll be just fine. I feel grateful that she is showing it in the only way she knows how. My girl has been abandoned 4 times already in her short little life. To expect her to just feel safe is ridiculous at this point. She has only been home a little over a month now and that is a small drop of time in the bucket.

She is not okay with Daddy yet, but she is more relaxed around him. I can not rush her heart because of what may be convenient for me now. She will get there, in time. She will learn to trust us both with her whole heart and when she does let the walls down around her heart, she will feel all the love that we already have for her. I could not love her anymore if I tried. I am in awe of this little girl and her resilience to push through with a big 2 dimpled smile on her face.

Everyone in our life has been very supportive of our parenting which is highly helpful to not feel like I need to constantly explain myself. It is a different style of parenting. It's opposite of everything you do with your biological children who are born to you and trust you from the very get go. I have to earn her trust every single second of every single day. She adores her brothers, most especially G. She feels very smitten by him and will happily go to him, he tells me every day how much he loves her and can't believe that she is here. C makes her laugh constantly and W likes to share his snacks.

It's summertime and I don't just have 1 daughter struggling with feeling secure, but I have 3 boys who want to have fun and enjoy their time out of school. I don't have time to play around on the computer or chat on the phone, besides it's really hard to hold a phone & a 19 lb grabby handed girl. There is just not enough of me to go around and I really could use a wife.

&....because every girl needs some girl time, Colleen & Hannah are flying in today for some

4th of July fun. I am hoping to be back with photos soon!

Enjoy your summer!

one month ago

I stepped out of an elevator and entered a room to where you were waiting for me...

It was exactly one month ago that years of waiting, dreaming & hoping came down to this moment in time. I have no idea how we got so lucky to call you our own, you are everything and more to us and we love you with our entire being. It was this exact moment in time that will forever live in my heart.

cruising along

*Eme Grace seems to be fitting in just perfectly with our very waterlogged family. We joked yesterday that the poor girl wakes up and we throw her in the water, rather it be the pool or the Gulf of Mexico & she seems to love it each time.

As much as we were hoping that Daddy & Eme time in the pool was the breakthrough moment...it wasn't. It was just 'a' moment with her Daddy that she was loving. It's all about baby steps in this house.

*We can not seem to get her sleep clock turned around completely. She does not fall asleep before 10:30 on most nights and she will only nap about 20 minutes during the day. I'm glad it's the summer and we have a few months to work on that before school starts and we all need to be in bed before 9.

*She HATES having her teeth brushed. She loves to watch us all brush our teeth, but she is happy to just watch.

Things she has learned:

~She calls out for me in the saddest 'MaMa MaMa' voice.

~She knows her name and looks each time called.

~She signs 'more' & now has decided to sign 'more' between each bite of food and she does it in a very frustrating way, like I'm not shoveling it in quick enough.

~She also signs 'all done', which she learned in China.

~She is loving her seat on the back of the bike.

~She puts her finger up to her mouth and says "sshh"

~She says 'Kita' very quietly

~She mimics sneezes by saying "Ha Choo"

~She says 'Good Girl' very quietly when she uses the potty.

~She has pulled herself up in her crib several times.

~She is on all fours and is giving some serious thought about this crawling gig. Today we are going to hold a 'crawl-a-thon' in hopes of her watching & learning from 3 eager beaver boys to help her learn.

For Me:

~Dog tired has become a constant state.

~I am constantly behind on laundry.

~I am behind on thank you notes for the first time in my life and I feel horrible.

~My house always seems to be in a state of chaos.

However, all that seems to not really matter when I am rocking my girl and playing on the floor with her. The boys are huge helpers and they are just as in love with their sister as Mommy & Daddy.

Life is crusing by us as fast as the wind & though we seem to always be behind in something, we are loving every minute of it...

Just in time for Father's Day...

...one little girl opens her heart for one more person...

photos of my girl at play

All over the place on this one...

*I'm tired. Really tired. Like the kind of tired that makes me stop and say, "I'm getting my ass kicked by all this joy I've created." An odd place to be.

*My sensational neighbor went to Canada for 5 weeks. I cried when she pulled out of her garage. I have absolutely no idea how to survive without her. She's been a godsend to me and she'll never know how much her generosity has helped my sanity.

*The rules are so different with Emerson. Parenting her goes against every thing we've ever done with the boys and against the norm in every aspect. For the most part, everyone we have come into contact with may not 'get it', but they respect it and want Eme's heart to heal. It's really hard to keep telling people though to not touch the baby. It's hard to have to keep explaining myself over and over. It's hard to currently be the ONLY person that is able to take care of her. I can't wait for her to allow her Daddy into her heart. My friend did ask me how long she had to wait to hold her and give her a smooch, I was honest and told her that it was so far out that to give her a date would seem ridiculous and to just plan on smooching her in about 10 years, 5 if she's lucky=0)

*If you are still waiting for your child, I HIGHLY recommend that you get started reading some attachment books and ordering the CD series of "Taming the Tiger While It's Still A Kitten." I've listened to it once and I'm relistening to it and when I'm done listening to it, I'll listen to it again. It also wouldn't hurt to go ahead and start lifting weights and practicing carrying around 20-30 pounds around allllll day.

*Eme~Grace continues to love her pouch. I personally think it's crazy how much she loves that pouch, but she continues to get excited when she sees me grab the ergo and she happily spreads her legs when picked up in order to go in it....where she cuddles her head right up against my chest and enjoys the world. It's making the (recommended) 6 hours of pouch time easy.

*She has learned to pull herself to a sitting position and she is doing the backwards scoot. She is putting weight on her front arms and we are doing floor exercises of rocking her hips and working them in the crawl motion. We will not put her in a walker tills she masters the crawl. For a good explanation of that, visit Alison.

*It takes a whole lot of time out of my day to sit with her while she falls asleep for nap and night. I did manage to get all the laundry done and put away yesterday. I even impressed myself, cause I threw in a side of floor cleaning, but for the most part, there's just not a whole lot of time left in the day for anything. I haven't even had to cook dinner yet since we returned from China....but that ends tomorrow. J is supposed to fly to GA next week for business, I have absolutely no idea how to do this gig with a baby strapped to me all alone AND not to mention that my saving grace is currently in Canada for 5 weeks.

*The H0usewives of NJ was such a guilty pleasure. To bad it's over, it's the only thing I Tevo'd.

*What's up with PETA getting all pissy over Obama killing a fly? PETA needs to get a grip. Mr. Prez has some impressive fly swatting skills.

*Eme~Grace loves Kita and repeated her name today. If I ask where Kita is, she quickly scans the room till her eyes lock on her and then she gives a big 2 dimple smile. She loves that the Kita girl is always ready to lick her fingers, stick her big ol' dog tongue down her mouth or clean up the leftovers off her face.

*The baby in the crib next to the king size bed is not good for romance. Just sayin.

*We rec'd a 'congratulations on your new daughter' card in the mail today from one of the old BOD asshats. For all the new people following this blog, I'm sure you are completely stumped on this bullet, but for all you old timers, I'm sure you will find that as shocking and yet as ridiculous as I did. I told ya they were bat shit crazy people.....go figure.

*All my spare time has gone to reloading software in my newly dumped pc. Don't ever get the HP Vista 64 bit laptop...it's a POS. Apparently the 64 bit and the Vista don't like each other. The computer isn't even a year old and it's took a dump more times than I have in the past 10 months. Luckily, my smart neighbor was able to remove my hardrive and extract all my China photos and videos.

*With the lack of time, I am behind on emails, thank you's and everything else in life. I apologize.

*I still can't believe that this amazing child is mine. She is so beautiful and so perfect in every way. My heart physically hurts just looking at her and thinking about the road traveled by us both in order to have her here in paradise with me...not just anyone, but HER.

*The princess has fallen asleep and now I am going to bed....