my girl

Eme Grace is now 16 months old. I spend countless hours a day just staring at her sweet little face. I know every curve on it, the shape of her lips, the way her eyebrows fall over her eyes, her beautiful almond shaped eyes, the scrunch in her nose when she gives off the big cheesy grin and those 2 little dimples that seem to get bigger every day. I feel as though I have missed so much of her life and I don't want to miss another second of it. The dust on my running shoes is piling up. I have not worked out but one time since our return from China. I *think* we are at a place where I could return to my normal workout routine, but I am really struggling with not being here when Eme opens her eyes in the morning. We have made it a practice to snatch her out of her crib and lay her between J&I when she wakes up and just lay there and play. This is the time where we have noticed big changes in Eme's relationship with her Daddy. She no longer pants like a dog out of fear of her Dad, but instead she points to me & says "Mama", then she points to her Dad & says "Dada." She goes back and forth between us collecting her morning kisses.

Emerson now allows her Daddy to feed her, hold her and bath her, though she strongly prefers me, we have seen a huge difference in her relationship with him. She allows him to snuggle her in the morning and he could not be happier. Her trust in us is growing and we are consciously doing our best to never let her down. We have been home now for just a little over 6 weeks and have begun the phase down process of ergo carrying, though her favorite place to be is still in her pouch. She feels safe, secure and protected in her pouch and I am very happy that we opted to do it 'the Nancy Th0mas' way.

I am noticing so many changes in my little girl as she continues to grow and get stronger. The baby in her is leaving and she is moving very quickly towards toddlerhood. I can't help but want to freeze her at this moment in time and rewind it to have more baby time with her. Missing the first 15 months of her life has given me this drive to not be away from her for one second that is unnecessary because I don't want to miss a thing. For as long as I can remember, Eme has been a part of my life, she really did grow in my heart and I am simply amazed that she is actually here in the flesh. This perfect little girl was born to be my daughter. Having her for only 2 months has totally erased the 3 plus years of our adoption wait. I would have waited another decade to hold this one little girl in my arms forever. I could not love her anymore if I tried. I know my daughter has a guarded heart with iron walls up around them. She is slowly letting those walls down and allowing us to repair the damage to her heart that nobody else can see. I don't believe that this process will ever easy, but she has a heart worth fighting for.

My 3 sons have taught me that time flies rather you are paying attention or not. Children grow up way to fast and all the cute little things that we took for granted with them have now given us many reasons to celebrate just how far Eme~Grace has come in the past 2 months. When she met us, she had no reason to believe that we would be sticking around. Abandonment had become her life's reality over and over. When she opens her eyes in the morning, she looks panicked and has a sad little whine till her eyes meet mine and then it's as if calmness rushes through her body. It's a morning process and I can see it wash over her face every time she wakes up, it's as if she is shocked that her life is the same and yes indeed, we are still here.

I will spend the rest of my forever making sure she is safe, protected and loved. We feel extremely blessed to have her in our lives. She is everything and more than we could have imagined and she fits so darn perfect into this little family of ours.

I can't even remember what life was like without her sweet little face in it.