Friday, July 17, 2009

my girl

Eme Grace is now 16 months old. I spend countless hours a day just staring at her sweet little face. I know every curve on it, the shape of her lips, the way her eyebrows fall over her eyes, her beautiful almond shaped eyes, the scrunch in her nose when she gives off the big cheesy grin and those 2 little dimples that seem to get bigger every day. I feel as though I have missed so much of her life and I don't want to miss another second of it. The dust on my running shoes is piling up. I have not worked out but one time since our return from China. I *think* we are at a place where I could return to my normal workout routine, but I am really struggling with not being here when Eme opens her eyes in the morning. We have made it a practice to snatch her out of her crib and lay her between J&I when she wakes up and just lay there and play. This is the time where we have noticed big changes in Eme's relationship with her Daddy. She no longer pants like a dog out of fear of her Dad, but instead she points to me & says "Mama", then she points to her Dad & says "Dada." She goes back and forth between us collecting her morning kisses.


Emerson now allows her Daddy to feed her, hold her and bath her, though she strongly prefers me, we have seen a huge difference in her relationship with him. She allows him to snuggle her in the morning and he could not be happier. Her trust in us is growing and we are consciously doing our best to never let her down. We have been home now for just a little over 6 weeks and have begun the phase down process of ergo carrying, though her favorite place to be is still in her pouch. She feels safe, secure and protected in her pouch and I am very happy that we opted to do it 'the Nancy Th0mas' way.


I am noticing so many changes in my little girl as she continues to grow and get stronger. The baby in her is leaving and she is moving very quickly towards toddlerhood. I can't help but want to freeze her at this moment in time and rewind it to have more baby time with her. Missing the first 15 months of her life has given me this drive to not be away from her for one second that is unnecessary because I don't want to miss a thing. For as long as I can remember, Eme has been a part of my life, she really did grow in my heart and I am simply amazed that she is actually here in the flesh. This perfect little girl was born to be my daughter. Having her for only 2 months has totally erased the 3 plus years of our adoption wait. I would have waited another decade to hold this one little girl in my arms forever. I could not love her anymore if I tried. I know my daughter has a guarded heart with iron walls up around them. She is slowly letting those walls down and allowing us to repair the damage to her heart that nobody else can see. I don't believe that this process will ever easy, but she has a heart worth fighting for.


My 3 sons have taught me that time flies rather you are paying attention or not. Children grow up way to fast and all the cute little things that we took for granted with them have now given us many reasons to celebrate just how far Eme~Grace has come in the past 2 months. When she met us, she had no reason to believe that we would be sticking around. Abandonment had become her life's reality over and over. When she opens her eyes in the morning, she looks panicked and has a sad little whine till her eyes meet mine and then it's as if calmness rushes through her body. It's a morning process and I can see it wash over her face every time she wakes up, it's as if she is shocked that her life is the same and yes indeed, we are still here.

I will spend the rest of my forever making sure she is safe, protected and loved. We feel extremely blessed to have her in our lives. She is everything and more than we could have imagined and she fits so darn perfect into this little family of ours.
I can't even remember what life was like without her sweet little face in it.

33 comments:

laurie said...

Beautiful post. You are very blessed and you have done such an incredible job with E
Hugs
Laurie

Briana's Mom said...

Absolutely beautiful post. I am so happy to hear that Eme is feeling more secure every day.

I completely understand wanting to soak every minute in. I just did a post on this topic myself. Bri will be three soon - time flies by so fast. I don't want to miss anything.

Magi said...

I understand completely. Though my wait was no where near as lengthy as yours, it was still much longer than we expected at the time. It wasn't long before I had the same though, I would have waited that and more to have this child.

I'm so glad to read that she's warming up to dad. I can only imagine how difficult that must have been for him. I know it would have killed mine.

Isabella's Mommy and Daddy said...

This is EXACTLY why I keep my spirits up.. Dreams DO COME TRUE.. and I am soooo waiting for mine... Emerson Grace is one lucky little girl..
You are an AMAZING Mommy and have a WONDERFUL family..
Love this post.. glad things are going well..
Hugs..
Ok. I need help with a chapstick issue... I know it is extremly hot out there and I am having an issue.. I can use vaseline and it works. but can't carry around a bottle..what do you use.. birds bee is not doing it...
HUGS>>
have a great week...

Polar Bear said...

Great post T. It is so good to hear that the end result makes this wait seem like nothing. Gives me the hope to hang on another day.

Eme is beautiful! I'm so glad everything seems to be falling in place. I'm so happy for all of you.

Colleen said...

Where does the time go? It seems to stop when you are waiting, then you get back with such a precious addition to your life then pow - 2 months go by in the blink of an eye. She is beautiful inside and out and I can say so whole heartedly being there to gaze at her beauty in person. Ya know... I really wonder how long it does last that they awake and look around in deperation. Hannah still does it and she's been home 2 years. Hurts my heart.

Eme sure was born for your family. There could be no better fit.

Thanks for the update :-)

miss you

meme said...

That was beautiful! So happy everything is getting better.
From your Kentucky Friend Linda

Sandra said...

This was a beautful and heartfelt post. I can totally relate to a lot of what you wrote. I am glad to hear things are going so much better. It took a long time for Tahlia to warm up to Matt and I wondered if she would ever let him in her heart.
Enjoy this time with your girl and your boys. Someone once told me that having kids can make the days go by slowly, but the years go by fast. So true...

Pink Velvet Mommy said...

This just makes me smile. I get it, and live it everyday. Time does seem to be going way to fast and I would like the hands of time to slow down just for a minute so that I can have just that extra minute with her.
Isn't it amazing how far they can come in such a short amount of time? I am so happy to hear things are going so well and that Eme is embracing her daddy...she will her own special relationship with her daddy I am sure!!
She is just beautiful, and looks happier and happier everytime I see a new picture of her.
We have been home 3 months, and while the time has flown by, there is another part of me that can't remember my life without this wee love of mine!
Thanks for sharing your family with us:)

sheryl said...

Beautiful, simply beautiful.

Diana said...

This is a beautiful post!!! You are one GREAT mama!!!

Debra said...

Perfectly said!

Kayce said...

A beautiful post T! So glad things are going well in paradise.

Marla said...

What a sweet, sweet post. I'm so happy to hear that she and Daddy are bonding, I know that must thrill both of you. Take care and have a great week!

3D said...

She is darling! We just received our Nancy Thomas cd/booklet. It is going to be interesting and a challenger but will be worth it. Esp. when we see how it works for our friends and their girls.

Keep smilin!

Julie said...

Beautiful! I'm so thrilled to see your dream become a reality and "your girl" at home with you!

Tawni said...

"I would have waited another decade to hold this one little girl in my arms forever." ...chills reading that...so, so, SO true.

t

codyssister1 said...

I understand that this is the last thing you have time for and I understand if you don't but if you can make the time will you post the list of the Nancy Thomas tools that you used? I have been following your blog and others and I have quickly determined that I need to educate myself and prepare our family for the trials that will come. This post is the 1st that I have heard of Nancy Thomas and after a quick web search I think I need to check it out. thank you for sharing your story with those of us that are still waiting. Eme is beautiful He has given her to you. Also, He has given you and your family to her. She is blessed beyond any earthly measure and I am certain that He will keep His hand on her throughout all of her years to come.
We are LID 4/21/06, I will be sure to send a picture of our gift when she finally arrives. God bless you. Teanne in KC

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

I am so glad to hear that day by day she is feeling more secure in her surroundings.....and most of all that she is bonding with her Daddy!! What a sweet girl......she is such a blessing!!

Lisa

Debbie said...

I am sitting here, in my little world on the other side of the Atlantic, weeping after reading that beautiful post. So glad you found each other!

Debbie in the UK

x

Special K said...

I'm so happy to hear she's turning a corner and finding her place in your family a little easier. Every day will just keep getting better and better.

She's starting to look different in your pics. You probably can't see it cuz you see her every day... but she looks more relaxed. And her face has filled out some. I love these pics of her in the peace shirt. That hair!! Oh my word...adorable. :)

Georgea's Mommy said...

OK, I'm crying. I love everything about this entry of your "journal." My favorite part (where I actually got chills)...is how she lays in bed between you & J and "collects her morning kisses." Sweetness beyond words. Time is truly flying by. I go back to work in 2 weeks. This will bring it's own set of emotional hills to climb (for all of us)....but we are trusting. Hugs to all of you!

Amy

Shari U said...

Our mornings, when we brought our little one home were the best. Some days we'd lay there for an hour and Abby would let us stroke her face and we'd talk to her and tell her how much we love her and that we'll always be there and she just soaked it up. The first 18 months with her were really rough, but today I have a very normal and happy 6 year old who will be starting 1st grade in a few weeks. I really think the physical closeness and touch did more than anything else for her overall healing. Granted, not everyone has time to lay in bed in the mornings, but I certainly appreciate that I had the time and took it. I'm glad to hear that Eme is trusting her daddy, I'm sure that thrills him like nothing else.

Jenny said...

Just stumbled upon your blog!!! We too have three boys and one daughter (who we adopted last year!) Your Eme is BEAUTIFUL!!! I loved reading your post!

Kristy said...

What an incredibly beautiful post.

Love and blessings, Kristy

Joanne said...

I read this post with a smile on my face :) So happy things are going well and that Eme is feeling more and more secure.

3 Peanuts said...

Just beautiful T. your words are so heartfelt. It is hard to describe to someone who is in the pain of waiting but it IS worth every second of that wait to get the child who was meant for your family. She s so beautiful:)

Kim said...

Beautifully written and your words ring so true to anyone who has felt the bittersweetness of adoption.
I'm so glad Eme is doing so well!

Elisa said...

Keep Posting! Love to see the pics of your little sweetie!

Headed your way next week, can't wait to get out of this yucky Ohio weather- it's been a weird summer up here. Can't wait to dip my girlies toes in ocean!

Lindsay said...

A beautiful post.

Catherine said...

You rock mommy and daddy! You're amazing parents and love all 4 of your kiddos with your undivided love and attention. MANY could learn from you and hopefully many of us are!

So happy we're friends and that you're willing to share so much of what you're learning and esperiencing with us.

love ya, c

Kelly said...

what is the nancy thomas way? please share as I'm about to bring home a 2.5 yr old boy from CHina. Thanks
skrpr_grl@yahoo.com

PIPO said...

What a beautiful post.

You've hit the nail on the head with what it is all about. Our girls are worth every second of that wait.