I wanted to close it up after Eme's one year anniversary of being home with her video that I've yet to make.
Thank you for following our journey to China and for the numerous comments and emails throughout this journey. I've enjoyed you all & wish you the best.
With our busy life and not having the proper internet for a while, I wasn't able to acknowledge our one year mark with our sweet Emerson Grace. As I've blogged about in the past, there will be no "gotcha day" parties, no "forever family" day parties or anything else that will turn my daughters loss into a party for her family to celebrate. Her story is to big for a party, as her Mother though, I will forever cherish May 24, 2009 as one of the greatest days of my entire existence.
We walked into a busy room and a complete stranger handed me a stunned little girl and walked away. I immediately loved her for exactly who she was. She was the dream that my soul had longed for my entire life. May 24, 2009 was nothing but a huge day of happiness from my perspective. May 24, 2009 was nothing but another huge loss for my daughter. She did gain a family that will love her forever, but she lost her entire life that day. She lost her homeland, her culture, every scent that she recognized, every face that cared for her, every Chinese word ever spoken to her, every piece of clothing, toy or lovey that she knew of, all familiar foods were gone to her, every thread of her entire being was lost to her on that day. Her grief was heavy, her anxiety high. We've spent the past year working hard on healing her wounded heart. The scars are there, they always will be, but those scars are also the glue of who she is. Nobody lives a perfect life or a life without pain. These are Eme's roots that are molding her into the young lady she is growing up to be.
What a difference a year makes. For most of you, you know the pain and anxiety that my daughter suffered from for the first 3 months home. I can hardly recognize her as that same little girl. She's do darn confident and happy that it's easy to forget how fragile she can be. Her fierce love of life is nothing short of heroism. I will forever be grateful for the long journey to China that led both our paths on the right track to meet exactly at that moment on May 24, 2009. Thankful is all I feel one year later.
Thankful for: the pain of the wait the total annoyance of paper work the long flight over there the agency who was nothing short of perfect the social worker that redid my paperwork 3 times the pain in the ass gov't who messed up my paperwork and lost it 4 times the man who held my daughter in that busy room till we walked in the man who sat down and shed a few tears in the background of my video while he watched our first few moments with our daughter Eme's birth parents who choose life for her Eme's foster parents that loved her till we could the orphanage that did the best they could for her whomever the anonymous person was that spread our family file out on their desk and matched us with Ling Wan Hu & to the People's Republic of China for allowing us to raise one of your own. Thank you.
I personally despise private blogs, but feel it's necessary for reasons that I know you to will understand. I've got a lot going on and a lot to say, but it just isn't going to happen here.
I have felt choked for quite some time with what not to say on this site and can't deal with it anymore. I've decided that I am a blogger at heart and love to throw my thoughts out there for no good reason. It's not only a place where I dump my brain, but it's also a place where I learn, laugh and enjoy. I really do cherish all the opinions in blog world and hope to see you all soon!
So unless you live in my neighborhood, please feel free to email me for the info at:
It was one year ago that the power of the internet blessed me with the gift of these photos...
I'm still in awe of that little face, except I see something different in her eyes in those photos now. Her eyes speak volumes to me and the level of her comfortability with life.
For me, I fell head over heels in love with her the minute I saw her face. There was no doubt that I waited my entire life for her, she was my daughter. With all the negative press circulating about the adoptive mother who sent her child back to Russia on a plane is something I have no opinion about. I can't stand in judgement of the life she lived when I know nothing of it. I do wonder how bad it must have been in order to resort to such a final move. Go ahead and flame me, but I just don't believe that this mother woke up and decided to send him back without the feeling of helplessness. I know there are resources out there, but we as an adoptive community can do better, hell, my own pediatrician didn't believe my daughter suffered from PTSD, though she could barely peel her off of me last June, July & August. I believe that most people go into adoption sort of blind by the facts that these institutionalized children come with their own set of issues to work through. Or maybe it's not that people don't believe those issues are out there, but that it won't happen with 'THEIR' child, that they can love them through it better. It's a long road and had I not gone out and researched it on my own, I wouldn't have had any knowledge about what to expect. I believe agencies should step up to the plate a little more and prepare the parents for some of the issues that these children may potentially have. Knowledge is power. All the crap I read on attachment, RAD, PTSD, Neuro Reorg didn't scare me, it made me more powerful to help my daughter deal with whatever issues she may have. I don't approve of what that mother did, but I think we can learn something about the need for more services to fit these kind of circumstances.
And for the record, the only way somebody could take my daughter away from me would be through my dead rigor mortis hands.
Have I ever mentioned on this blog how much I love my girl?
To myself I am only a child playing on the beach, while vast oceans of truth lie undiscovered before me. - Isaac Newton
Today is a smooth white seashell, hold it close and listen to the beauty of the hours. - unknown
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain