Friday, April 16, 2010

Adoption Rocks!

It was one year ago that the power of the internet blessed me with the gift of these photos...
I'm still in awe of that little face, except I see something different in her eyes in those photos now. Her eyes speak volumes to me and the level of her comfortability with life.
For me, I fell head over heels in love with her the minute I saw her face. There was no doubt that I waited my entire life for her, she was my daughter. With all the negative press circulating about the adoptive mother who sent her child back to Russia on a plane is something I have no opinion about. I can't stand in judgement of the life she lived when I know nothing of it. I do wonder how bad it must have been in order to resort to such a final move. Go ahead and flame me, but I just don't believe that this mother woke up and decided to send him back without the feeling of helplessness. I know there are resources out there, but we as an adoptive community can do better, hell, my own pediatrician didn't believe my daughter suffered from PTSD, though she could barely peel her off of me last June, July & August. I believe that most people go into adoption sort of blind by the facts that these institutionalized children come with their own set of issues to work through. Or maybe it's not that people don't believe those issues are out there, but that it won't happen with 'THEIR' child, that they can love them through it better. It's a long road and had I not gone out and researched it on my own, I wouldn't have had any knowledge about what to expect. I believe agencies should step up to the plate a little more and prepare the parents for some of the issues that these children may potentially have. Knowledge is power. All the crap I read on attachment, RAD, PTSD, Neuro Reorg didn't scare me, it made me more powerful to help my daughter deal with whatever issues she may have. I don't approve of what that mother did, but I think we can learn something about the need for more services to fit these kind of circumstances.
And for the record, the only way somebody could take my daughter away from me would be through my dead rigor mortis hands.
Have I ever mentioned on this blog how much I love my girl?
I personally believe that adoption rocks!


Alyson and Ford said...

"I believe that most people go into adoption sort of blind by the facts that these institutionalized children come with their own set of issues to work through."

We thought we were prepared and then we ran headlong into reality. AA has come so far and from an "outsiders" view, all looks fine. And it is fine, except it takes more than our hugs and snugs to nurture the petals of our beautiful little flower to open...

Happy First Year!

Liz and Ava said...

Happy First Year! It is so obvious that Eme was meant to be with your family!
Couldn't agree with you more re the rest of your post!
We have no right to flame or judge until we walk a day in her shoes...noone can understand unless they live it!
I would give my life trying to heal my daughter, before ever considering giving her back...but that being said...we have lived through some hell along the way!
I feel for both the mother and the child...I'm sure they are both living through their own trauma.
One good thing that I hope has come of this situation is more awareness and more support services for what some adoptive families are dealing with.

Diana said...

The agency we used for Nicholas (oldest) and the one we used for Tyler were sooo different. I have always said Thank God for what I learned from Nicholas agency as we sooo needed it with Tyler!!
I agree with what you are saying about that lady. I do feel that there is more to the story then we know BUT I still would rather have her or any other parent put a child on a plane alone then to harm them in anyway.

tawni said...

Yes it does. That's all I have to say...

3 Peanuts said...

I agree with every single word here T. And I think people also don't talk about Post Adoption Depression which I think can sneak up on exhausted Moms when they face all of this too!

Our agency told us NOTHING about RAD, PTSD, attachment...any of it. I did all of my own homework but I was naive. Kate was so young and I did think love would conquer an awful lot. I think I was guilty of thinking because she was so young and in foster care...we would be fine. And in all honesty, Kate has very little to deal with compared with a lot of kiddos. BUT they all have some baggage.

Laurie said...

Great take on this very complicated situation. There are many layers to this story I am sure.

I had forgotten about those photos of E you received. What a gift!