Wednesday, September 30, 2009

legitimacy of abandonment

Lately I've been reading to much stuff and I am spending more time thinking about the early days of my daughter's life. I wonder about her abandonment, was she left by a Mom who could not keep her and wanted the best for her? or was she taken from her birth Mom without her consent? Was there a pay off for her cute little mug or was she left by a Mom with a broken heart? Was the life of my daughter valued enough that people didn't exchange her in order to make a buck?
How widespread was the Hunan scandal or does it continue to be? It makes me sick to my stomach reading all this stuff. I can only hope and pray that Emerson's birth Mom can feel how loved she is deep within her soul.
Interesting reading coming from this site...
One story resonated deep with me because of the span between birth and abandonment...I pray this isn't the history of my daughter. At some point I will have to make peace with the unknown and better prepare myself for the day when my daughter has her own questions about her history.

10 comments:

Sandra said...

I am with you. These stories are hard for me to read; especially since I have a daughter from Hunan...

shelley said...

Both of my children have different finding days and birthdays. It helps my heart a little bit to think that she had to keep them for a little bit to help with her sanity. She loved them for as long as she could, before placing them at the hospital door.

Stacy said...

I just came from Brian Stu's site and read his latest article and statistics on the trafficking scandals. It is very stressful to think about. In my wildest dreams I never imagined that adding to my family could be causing another so much pain. I pray for my daughter's birth parents all the time- I pray that in some way they can know that she is safe and loved so very much.

JoAnn in NJ said...

I just subscribed to his other blog because I need to see which orphanages engaged in trafficking. I also have a child from hunan, but I found his reporting to be flawed - Hunan didn't reopen in April 2006. I got my referral in Jan 2006 and traveled to Changsha to adopt her in March. Therefore I'll take this with a big grain of salt.

sheryl said...

My daughter was not a newborn at the time that she was brought to the orphanage so reading this naturally made me question what we have been told. However, in reading Brian Stuy's article, I also found a few flaws. His history of wait times, when they slowed down and such were not accurate along with the Hunan opening/closing specifics. I think Brian provides a valuable service to adoptive parents but he has also been in the root of many different controversies through the years. I believe there is some truth to what he is saying but how much is what I question. Just like our daughters' histories, this is just one more unknown that we must make peace with. Either way, it is heartbreaking and difficult to process.

Sheryl

~ Alison n' Mali~ said...

I feel the same way, and the questions (and/or statements & feelings) are tough. Mali has recently established her own opinions about her birthmom - & they're not real positive. ("She was a bad Mom . . . she just left me.") It breaks my heart to hear those things come out of her mouth. How can I argue with her? In her mind, 'good' Moms never leave. That's what we've taught her about ME.

Maybe someday when she's able to understand the ways of the world, she'll feel better about things. But her feelings are her feelings, regardless, & I'll always respect them.

From what we were told, M was abandonded jus days after her birth. But she's not a newborn in her finding ad pics. She's several months old. (????) Makes me wonder if they make it all up as they go along.

Kim said...

Poignant entry Tracy. I'm ready Silent Tears - why I continue I don't know because I grieve everynight for the lost children of China.

2china4S said...

I just found this post and is interesting, because on Wednesday I came across SS's finding ad (had not looked at it since China), and a flood of questions came to mind.

Perhaps we are in denial, but the circumstances of our daughter's first days of life, lead us to believe that she would have not been stolen for trafficking.

Still, what do we know. We can only take at face value what was given to us, and we do wonder. Another tough decision to make in the future, regarding how to incorporate this possibility in the tapestry that is our daughter's complex history.

Buckeyes & Eggrolls said...

Tracy, I often wonder about Maddy's first days/months as well. I don't believe her orphanage was involved in any scandals but there is very little we know about Maddy. she was 'estimated" to be about 2 months old. We don't have an actual birthdate or one that may even be close. We know she was ill, had a congenital heart condition and had full blown pneumonia. We know nothing really. I really want to believe with all my heart that Maddy's mother wanted her. That she kept her for two months but just couldn't take care of her because she was so sick. I want with all my heart to believe that and I think I'm just going to tell this to Maddy. It's so hard!! We hurt for our children's past and want so very much the best for their future!

Princess Diaries said...

I still get very emotional when I think about Miya's abandonment story. So many questions, when it's your baby the pain cuts deep.