I absolutely love...

Just a few things I want to jot down about Eme Grace before 2009 comes to an end.

I absolutely LOVE....

*the way she stands in front of me with her hands up saying "up"?

*the way she looks at the furniture that she falls into that causes a booboo and shakes her finger saying, "nonono"

*the ways she attempts to say, "Oh know you didn't" while wagging her finger back and forth.

*the way she goes back and forth saying, "Mommy Daddy Mommy Daddy"

*when she stood up in church on Christmas Eve when she saw the baby Jesus on the big screen and yelled out for the congregation, "BABBBBY!"

*that she just started noticing her referral photo as a 'baby' but doesn't recognize that it is baby Eme at all.

*that she knows there's a bunch of her toys in a leather trunk and how she goes over to it and grunts to lift it up while saying, "Up"

*how her eyes were filled with ease & comfort when I found her laying on Daddy's chest early this morning wide awake with her arms wrapped around him tight as he rubbed her back so I could stay sleeping. & how she didn't move once she knew I was awake & looking at her.

*that she goes towards the garage and announces "Bye Bye" when she's ready to get out of the house for a bit.

*that she answers "Yeah" to every question you ask.

*that she sneaks her a bite of lunch and then Kita a bite while acting all nonchalant

*that every cup she points to that's hers is 'MOLK' 'MOLK'

*that she wants her toes painted and holds her foot up in my face and says "Toes"

*that all dogs are 'DOJIES' and she LOVES them all.

*that she loves all things bright and shiney, especially jewelry

*how she sways back and forth anytime, anywhere she hears music

*how she looks directly into my eyes and starts humming the tone when she wants me to sing the 'I Love You' song to her at bedtime

I so adore who Emerson Grace is and feel like the luckiest Mommy alive to have the privilege of not only knowing who she is but also getting to live, raise and enjoy her every single day. I remember staring for 6 long weeks into the eyes of a photograph and wondering who Wan Hu Ling really was. Is she a happy girl? A sad girl? A girly girl or a rough and tumble kind of girl? When I think back on our 2 weeks in China and how much she smiled then and how much she smiles now I am very confident she is a very happy girl, though her smile is now authentic towards us. It's definitely a better kind of different. I missed so much of Eme's beginnings and it's a part of her history that making up for lost time just doesn't really count, but I can also say that her history is our journey. It's what makes us who we are, completely real.

I could not possibly love this little girl any more if I tried. My heart physically aches every single time I think of her or look at her. She is no longer just a dream come true, but she is a reality into my every being. Her beautiful almond shaped eyes leave me completely in awe of her beauty.

Oh those eyes.... Every single time Eme Grace looks at me, I feel as though I am looking into my soul. My connection to her is so deep that I often wonder how it's even possible to feel that connected to any other human being. She holds my heart in her hands & I thank God every day that the wait quadrupled and He created this child to be my daughter.

Christmas recap of photos

Just photos and after reviewing the photos, it is apparent that my fabulous husband should never be in charge of the camera again. We have ZERO photos of G on Christmas morning, 2 photos of C on Christmas morning and 3 photos of W. The photos of our princess stopped after the kitchen set and stocking fun. 4 kids on Christmas morning leave 2 parents very tired by the end of the day. We enjoyed a huge dinner that J&I prepared and the kids played endlessly with all their new loot. Our culdesac was full of kids riding lots of new scooters, vespa's, go-carts, and bikes.

G rec'd another darn gaming system. X-b0x this time. We thought G would enjoy it, but Daddy & I have given him very little opportunity to play. We are addicted to Pacman, all 55 inches in HD. My thumb is wrapped in 3 bandaids and surgical tape & the whole bone in my thumb is sore. Apparently I'm a nervous player and try to shove the button through the back of the controller. Whatever happened to joysticks?!?!

Santa had one to many cocktails when he went shopping for C. Santa brought C an electric guitar and my neighbor's little girl rec'd a new shiny set of drums.

Between all the kids and their musical instruments they are ready to start a garage band. In my neighbors garage of course;0) Later in the day I found C standing in the middle of our road playing his guitar with the amp beside him just blaring the tunes of suckity suck suck. The kid has no reservations about what a 'tool' looks like. He was one tip bucket short of a subway strummer.

W rec'd a Cars racetrack which is probably a big mistake since his little sister won't stop walking on it. Hopefully it will make it to the new year.

We had a fabulous Christmas with lots of fun and laughter & hope yours was filled with the same.

Christmas Eve Services...it was really hard to contain the tears. For the past 4 Christmas Eve services I have stood in church and sang wondering & praying that my baby girl was safe, warm and her belly was full. Last year my baby girl was 9 months old and was adjusting to life in a new foster home, or so they say. This year she was in my arms as we sang about the baby Jesus. What a difference 12 months can make.

Jaylee & Eme 1st Christmas Home.
Every year Santa visits our culdesac and throws candy canes while giving us a jolly ol' HO HO HO from his fire truck. We look forward to him coming every year!

Looking up at Santa...

Eme with her stocking that we got her in China at 'A Gift from China' on Shamain Island.

2 new babies that also came from 'A Gift From China', I loved that store and spent lots of money there.

Christmas with Grams & Gramps

More guns! My kids love to shoot each other!

To t: From: Santa

Eme digging in Grams traditional red Santa bag.

Eme & I opening our matching gift from Grams & Gramps.

2 matching beads for our bracelets, a chamilla Santa bead for our first Christmas together, so sweet.

A really cool cake that Grams made.

One tired little girl after a whirlwind of Christmas fun. Eme and her favorite blanket passed out on our bedroom floor.

That was ridiculously fun and I think we should do it again tomorrow. =0)

Merry Christmas

This, That & A Whole Lotta Nothing

The kids are out of school now and things are very busy...& messy.

J&I have been busy with shopping, wrapping and preparing all the proper requirements for our new company to be up & running by the end of this week. Time has been limited and it all seems to be filled with nothing but good stuff.

Eme's language is exploding and she has the sweetest voice on earth. She is beginning to find the joy of books while pointing to each item and repeating what I say. Her favorite 2 words are, "Hi Mommy" or "Hi Daddy"...it melts my heart, because it's authentic and because I know how hard of a road she has traveled to 'get it'. She has come so far in such a short period of time that it even amazes me. She seeks out her Daddy to give him a night night hug & kiss. She runs to him at full speed when he comes home. She climbs in the bed after she wakes up to be snuggled by him and they lay there and whisper funny things and giggle, it is beauty beyond measure. My beautiful daughter had the most difficult year of all and she is the first one ready with a smile in the morning. Her heart is healing & is no longer in a million pieces. We are still cautious with her and have not let down our guard. All her needs are still met by Daddy & me. There is still no kissing or hugging from others and we've yet to leave her with anyone. Her weekend away from me was good for her to know that Mommy always comes back.

I have been dealing with a ridiculous 'professional' that I thought was a PT sent out by Ear*ly Steps after her evaluation, but after our 2nd session, I point blank asked her what her title is and found out she was an 'advocate' to help parents figure out the best way to help their child. I don't need her and she's wasting my time. I just don't know how to 'break up' with her. She's really nice and she loves coming here and has told me repeatedly that I am helping her to educate herself on Eme's needs. (???) Yea, you heard that right. She recognizes that Eme has a balance issue, but she doesn't quite understand the neurological connection of the things that Eme missed while living her first 15 months laying in a crib, being tied to a potty chair and the lack of stimulation. I just don't want to spend my time helping her become a better 'advocate.' It's just not what I need to do with my time. So how do you say that nicely to someone who really does want to help? I plan on seeking help from someone who specializes in what Eme needs in February. It's just I feel stressed out with this woman wasting valuable family time on something that she knows nothing about. Suggestions?

I gave my husband an early Christmas gift. It's actually an early Christmas gift, late Anniversary gift, a late & early Valentine's gift and a Happy Columbus Day gift.

It's a big a$$ tv that he's been wanting for 2 years. I gave it to him early so he could get it all set up before Christmas, but now we are in a pickle. The reason I never wanted to switch tv's was because I loved, LOVED, LOVED our Tommy Bahama entertainment center, but we had the biggest tv that would fit in there. So after all this time I finally caved and gave into his burning desire to upgrade the tv, only because we visited 2 friends this weekend and they both had found the same deal I did on the tv and they had it up and operating long before Christmas. J had a serious case of tv envy going on and I seriously thought he might just go get one himself. So I gave it to him early and the neighbors house that I was hiding it at was all to happy to get it out a week earlier=0) We moved the entertainment center out and discovered that we never painted the wall behind it. & now we have no more paint...& we don't even know the color. I have NO desire to paint the entire great room ever again, so maybe an accent wall will be our choice. But even with that, it requires painting and that was NOT in my plans to have done before Christmas. Ugh....just one more thing to add to the growing list of things that need to get done.

So J had tv envy & I caved into his desire to have a new tv and I have boobie envy. My friend just got her a brand new set and they are really pretty=0) I believe I might just be the last person on earth that is o'natural and I'm thinking my dh should consider taking care of my envy problem ;0)...chances are highly unlikely though.

ornaments & more

So it's Christmastime and Eme Grace is finally home....

We have added several ornaments to the tree this year that have a special meaning. Actually, a few are from years past, starting with the pink shoe from Grams & Gramps in 2005.

It was a bit more emotional for me to add these ornaments to our tree knowing the agony of the wait part is over. Eme is home and our family is complete. She is the girl that we dreamed about and waited for since 1995. How blessed we feel this Christmas & how exciting it was for her to be right under my toes as I pulled all of our precious ornaments out of their boxes and hung them with love on our tree.
Eme is a busy girl. BUSY. Busy beyond what I've ever seen in a child and she's never been into books much, I guess they are just to slow of a pace for her. But lately, she's allowing me to finish a whole story before she's off and running. I tell her to go pick a book and she has come back with "Motherbridge of L0ve" more than any other book.
Not gonna lie, I got all choked up reading it to her. It's the line about seeing her smile
for the first time that gets me every time.

"Motherbridge of L0ve"

Once there were 2 women

who never knew each other.

One you do not know,

the other you call Mother.

Two different lives shaped to make you one,

One became your guiding star,

the other became you sun.

The first one gave you life,

the second taught you to live it.

The first one gave you a need for love,

the second was there to give it.

One gave you a body,

the other taught you games.

One gave you a talent.

The other taught you aims.

One gave you emotions,

the other calmed your fears.

One saw your first sweet smile,

the other dried your tears.

One found a home for you

that she could not provide.

The other prayed for a child,

her hope was not denied.

And now you ask, of course you do,

the questions others ask me too;

This place or your birth place-

which are you a daughter of?

Both of them my darling-

and two different kinds of love.

Our girl weekend with no kids...

It was a weekend packed full of fun! Colleen & I managed to squeeze a whole lotta stuff into every minute of every day. We ate, shopped, danced & sang ourselves silly. We popped the cork of champagne on the beach twice and chatted the night away while watching the stars fall out of the sky, literally.

We had the time of our lives & it was so nice to have no worries for one solid weekend.

I really needed the refresher and feel rejuvinated with my kids. According to my honey, Eme was really good and handled the weekend away from me just fine....even though she wasn't feeling totally up to par.

Some photos of our weekend courtesy of Col, since I was a photo loser....

& just a few extra photos of sheer cuteness...

Bullets

*My bloglines has been down for a week & for some reason, that has paralyzed me to not be able to check blogs. Annoying.

*It's been hotter than balls here lately. Not real good weather for decorating a Christmas tree.

*I spent the entire weekend decking my halls. I'm so festive.

*We have so much stuff going on right now besides the normal Christmas stuff that my brain is spinning. Today I designed a logo. I did rather impressive work if I do say so myself.

*Business has suckity sucked sucked a big fat monkey butt in our neck of the woods due to the ever low economy and things are looking up for us. We are back in business starting Jan 1. What a way to ring in the new year!

*I am so grateful that business sucked when it did because I really feel this was God's great way of helping Eme to accept Daddy. She has become a Daddy's girl in so many unexpected ways.

*Speaking of Ems, she has been with us 6 full months and the changes I have seen in her are huge. Her language is beginning to explode and she is beginning to be able to sit still through a whole book. She is also tolerant of Daddy 'Doraizing' her teeth with her new little electric tooth brush. She has never been able to stand having her teeth brushed. Short of sitting on her and putting her in a head lock, the teeth have always been an issue...but now she sort of goes along with it and allows it. Splendid.

*She climbs out of her crib faster than I can walk out of the room and she's become a real pain in the keyster with this issue. For 2 hours she played this annoying game at nap time. By the time she fell asleep, it was time for her to wake up. I've had a lot of kids, my 3 boys plus the 25 foster kids that made their way through our home and not a single one of them have been this stubborn with the climbing out of the crib thing. She moves at stealth speed. I'm thinking of one of those crib tents to zip her in.

*She now calls me "Mommy"....sweet music to my ears.

*Can't the whole Tiger W00ds saga disappear? I feel so bad for his wife. My 13 year old asked me what a prenup was the other day. I had a hellavu good time explaining that one. Naturally, he read it on the internet and needed to chat further about it. And again I ask why people put great athletes up on pedestals? When my oldest son wanted all the Tiger apparel for his golf tournaments, I told him no. In fact, I was annoyed that Daddy bought him a TW hat & there was a discussion between us on that issue...I might have even blogged it;0) I am against the idea of my kids looking up to any sports athlete as somebody they want to be like. I want my kids to be them, nobody else & I certainly don't want them oo'ing and aw'ing over somebody famous. Great athletes are humans. TW is a fabulous golfer, but he's human....& humans will always disappoint. Nuff said.

*My girl got her some sassy new black sparkly chucks. Gawd I can't stand the cuteness. She's the diva of Christmas pj's. I'm just gonna have to photograph her in them so ya'll can see. Super cute stuff.

*I have a growing short attitude towards snowbirds. They have been super rude this year and I about found myself in a smack down with a nasty bag at C0stc0. I do believe my ever calm husband would have been rooting me on. I asked the check out lady how *season* was treating her and she had a mouth full of responses. She's as annoyed as myself and told me how rude they've been. .... which leads me to my next bullet...

*Dear Snowbirds:
You come in flocks every year to escape the weather of your other home and yet you forget that you do not own this town. We, the locals, are NOT in your way, in fact, we work, live & play here year round. Please surrender your drivers license at an appropriate age, ya'll can't drive worth a shit. & for the love of all things HOLY, act like your on vacation and find your happy place before showing your face in public. Otherwise, go home....your other home.

*The 'other me' is flying in tomorrow for a girls weekend. I am so excited I could pee myself. My dh is gathering our tribe of children and going to Grandma's for the weekend. This will be the first time that I have been away from Eme longer than a few hours and she's never been with anyone other than J or I. I'm very nervous and in fact, I'm sort of sad. I don't know how she's going to handle it and I don't know what I'll do without her standing on my toes. She's all up in my business ALL the time. This is sort of a trial run for us. We have an adult trip planned in Feb and Eme will be staying with Grams & Gramps then. So this trip will be with Daddy & brothers, at Grams & Gramps without Mommy. If things go good then I'll feel much better about the Feb trip we have planned. Let's all cross our fingers that Eme stays present and doesn't 'shut down'...if so, Daddy will be putting her in the car and driving her back to me.

*I had a big meltdown this weekend while pulling all the Christmas stuff out. I sobbed as I hung the ornaments that we've been given for the past 4 years while we waited for Emerson. I date all my ornaments and who they are for....
my girl is finally home this Christmastime and my heart could not be more full.

Bittersweet

Today ends a long journey for our family, personally. I haven't spoke much on this blog about all of our BOD (Board of Director) woes, but anyone that is a long time reader knows the trials and victories of that journey.

It's been my personal quest for 3 years to make sure we maintain control over our gated community for the sake of peace and harmony. & for the past 2 years, we have. We have managed to flip control to those that are smart & nice. After the years of harassment by power hungry, retired folks that have a dislike for children, boats, rv's, bikes, basketball hoops, garage doors open for longer than 10 seconds and any other indication that a 'family' lives in that home was enough for us to take a stand. I believe we are in good hands and the time has come today where my dh will resign from his position. It's a business move. He must in order to pursue other endeavors that would be in direct conflict with his voluntary BOD position.

I'm hoping the neighborhood never falls back into the hands of those old BOD members again. They may not be in control any longer, but they have certainly not disappeared. They are still there, being their nasty old selves & nobody should deal with the kind of crap that we did just to live in your home.