We've had a few ups and downs, but mostly things are improving at a snails pace. My first big downer is that my computer has crashed for the um'teenth time since I purchased it in September. It is currently at a neighbors home with all my photos, videos and documents being extracted from it before I send it back to HP for a new hard drive. I'm so annoyed and I'm not sure how to live without my PC for a week or two. I am pretty certain I am going to be contacting an out of state int'l ped. Another thing about my ped that highly annoyed me was that I did ask my ped to document all of her marks, from those damn tie down marks, to the over swaddling diaper marks to the mongolian spots. When I asked that she please document them, she told me that anyone that believed she was abused by me was crazy and to not worry about it. I'm still really uncomfortable not having them recorded and plan on documenting them myself and then turning them over to the ped or family doctor.
Emerson Grace is everything and more to us. It's really hard to imagine how life was before she arrived, though I'm pretty certain I could recall the days of doing simple tasks without a baby strapped to me. She continues her love affair with the Ergo pouch and has impoved on her sitting position tremendously. She is also flipping and flopping around her crib and her head usually ends up where her feet once were. She really likes having the boys around her and her relationship with the big hairy Kita dog is nothing short of BFF's. Kita is certainly enjoying the home with a high chair in it again. We can usually find her rear end laying under it or her nose planted in the seat, she thinks the leftovers are fabulous.
However, she is just not into her Daddy. I think he could disappear and she'd be fine with that. She seems to really loathe him and it's at the point that we find the whole thing ridiculously funny. Besides him, the good time girl we saw in China seems to be reappearing. She is sleeping better, though I'd like to see her get more hours a night and get a sleep/nap schedule going.
We have been over the top blessed by nightly meals since we've been home and I can not say how much that has meant to us. I really have not had the energy or strength to cook and with all of Eme's insecurities, it would be a very difficult task without throwing me mentally over the top. My wonderful neighbor has taken my 3 boys for fun and sun every single day. She has amazed me with her patience and desire to help. I walked into her house and there were more than a half of dozen boys playing rock band on 2 different big screens and another game going on in the other room. After 15 minutes, my mind was fried. She certainly could use noise control headphones as a Christmas gift...if her hearing lasts that long.
I really appreciate all the advice and support rec'd in the last post. This is certainly so much more tedious than dealing with the 3 boys that I came home from the hospital with. & things need to improve with her Daddy in order to see the sun through the clouds. We are considering some island time this weekend....but I'm just not sure if it's going to happen with all the issues surrounding it. We shall see, but for now, I'm really happy that she liked the pool~ cause it is REALLY super duper hot outside.
~Enjoy your weekend~
33 comments:
Oh.....can you see how her little heart sings with those sweet toes sipping the water and that lovely smile.....Much Joy! Nina
LOVE the photos..
I think she will do fine on the boat.. but only time will tell.
Sounds like things are getting better.. pretty soon she will be a daddy's girl..
HUGS.
Ok.. Emerson and Harlow look like they have on the same outfit.. that is sooo adorable.. please tell where you got them..
Have a great weekend..
Love the pics and saying a prayer for you that things continue to improve steadily and that daddy becomes the apple of her eye. Hey, my bet is soon she will be sold on him and you will be in second place. It has flipped flopped twice with each child in our happy home ;-)
Way to go Eme!! She's doing so well to let you get an arms length away and do it with such glee on her face. This is tribute to all the great stuff you're doing mom and dad!! Glad to hear things are getting better little by little. Will pray specifically that she realizes her daddy is an awesome dude any only had the best for her.
The best advice I got from another adoptive mom was to have dad do something fun. Emma loved the bath and to try to climb the stairs. Only dad would do those things with her. At first I had to talk Emma through playing/bathing with dad, but it got better and better and today (a little over 3 months home) I saw Emma hug her daddy :)
Love the pictures and was so happy to see her in the outfit..I am glad it fit. I so feel for you as I so remember all of this with Tyler. I just love her suit..on FB I thought it was a dress..lol
I am so happy your neighbors and friends are so helpful (you will find out who is your "true" friends).
Did your one neighbor ever get her daughter?
Hugs
Oh, poor Daddy (and Mommy..you could use a break) One of our travelmates had the same issue...Lauren wanted NOTHING to do with Daddy for months but is a total Daddy's girl now. I hope it improves soon.
LOVE the pool pics
I think you are absoulutely right to have the marks documented. It's always better to be safe than sorry! Hannah also had a Mongolian spot and the first time I saw it (at her orphanage during a diaper change) I thought she had been dropped and badly bruised! Added to that is the fact that her one definitely became much, much darker, bigger and more noticeable when she was feverish (doc. told me this is common). I did have visions of treking off to see a dr. and being accused of abusing her. It has all but disappeared as H. has got older.
Love, love, love the pool pictures. Your Eme has the most infectious, gorgeous smile.
My daughter came home at 14 months and she absolutely loathed her daddy. He couldn't even look in her direction; she would scream. It was hard, but we knew it would eventually pass.
After two months of her hating on her dad, we decided to do something really drastic. So one afternoon, I just left her in the bedroom with her daddy, just the two of them. She screamed and cried for half an hour, then it stopped. Immediately after that, she was a different girl. Daddy could carry her, feed her, no problems. It was like a switch came on in her head and she decided her dad was okay.
Today she is so bonded to her dad. He of course spoils her rotten (just ask her brothers :)).
Hang in there.
Those pool pics are adorable! So good to read about some progress.
Scary that the ped won't document those marks. That's so important.
Sending good thoughts for the island time. I know you all need it!
Those are the best pictures. I just love that smile in the pool floatie!
Please don't worry about Eme liking Daddy... It literally took Maddy three months to warm up to Marty. She used to take off running down the hall screaming and crying when he would come home from work. Now, she can't wait for him to come in the door
Just an idea about dad. Make sure she seems him regularly loving up the boys and the dog. Since she has responded to them...perhaps seeing a lot of loving with dad will help in her mind? I don't know...but just a thought. I won't pretend to understand what y'all are facing...just trying to think of something. You are incredibly blessed and your family has been in my prayers.
What about Daddy talking sweet and loving up on Mommy (in a G rated way, of course) while you're holding her in the Ergo? Might be nice for Mommmy, too. LOL! I don't know... just throwing stuff out there. I certainly have no experience in this arena.
But I love the happy face pool pics. She'll be doing flips in there in no time.
Love the photos glad things are slowly improving! Someday she will be a Daddy's girl!
I SO promise that this will change. Hannah couldn't handle Jim for quite some time... now? Its all about Dad. Its tough now tho being the sole person in control of everything. I so wish I could be there to help you T. It breaks my heart that I am not...shit I should just hop a flight? Wish I could....
Those pics are fabulous. Her whole face is lit up in that pool!! WAIT till she experiences Island time. It won't be long before the saying on that shirt I got her will ring true.
Miss you bunches and sorry I missed your call. Lets chat this weekend. :-)
xoxo
It's nice to see those dimples again!
My ped wouldn't document the spots either and Abby has several. I took pictures myself to keep just in case.....
P.S. But of course she likes the water. She is a perfect fit for your family :)
She is making strides that is fo sho! I love the fact that is is responding to the kds and pup. he will come around to Daddy too. I know you have read all the books and are implementing everything you have read. I certainly have no advice for you. I did like the idea of having Daddy do something fun...like the pool or bath with you near. But you are with her and need to now when it is time to push her comfort zone just a touch.
She is precious and I love that you are dressing her all girly but in a cool way!
Love the pics....tooo sweet!
It sounds like you are definitely moving forward. I am glad you are getting a new Ped. I am sure she is nice but she sounds absolutely clueless. Our Ped. wouldn't document the Mongolian Spots either.
I'm sure your Ped is a good doctor but if our Ped starts pulling that kind of crap with me, I'll have no problem telling her to stick it you-know-where and find another doctor. I don't understand why doc's wouldn't want to document Mongolian spots. It just takes one crazy person to see those spots...
Like I said on FB, the picture of Eme in the floatee is THE best picture and my favorite thus far. But I can't deny I love all of them.
Hopefully some island time will do you some good!
Hot!.....it's freakin sizzling. That said from one Floridian to another.:) I am so glad that you have been getting some great help from your neighbor. She sounds like a true friend.It is funny to see that when push comes to shove with your friends, who steps up to the plate. I realize we have never met, but I wish I lived close to you because I would be happy to come over and help you out in anyway I could. It sounds like Emerson is making progress physically and emotionally. I am so glad she loves the pool and I hope she enjoys your boat too. I was dissapointed to hear that your doctor dismissed your concerns. To me that is not a sign of a good doctor. She should have written down your concerns in her medical notes because It was a important issue and a valid one to you the patient. No one needs to tell "you" how few people understand International adoptions and this is important information that should be noticed in the physician's progress notes. It is part of her examination.I think you are wise to consult a Adoption Specialist and it will give you reassurance. Iam also sorry to hear that she has not warmed up to your husband yet,but I am sure it will come with time. Thank you for updating all of us on Emerson's progress. Even though we have never met, I certainly care and I am sending good thoughts and prayers your way. Your daughter is such a cutie and I am glad you have been blessed to have her in your life and your family in hers.
Gorgeous pics! I bloomin' cold here... so I have no sympathy for you suffering in the heat!!! :)
Its just good to be home, isn't it?!
hope island time went well. the pool pics are great. I have no experience/advise on the dad subject but agree that she will warm up to him soon. Your wise to go with your gut on your doc - having walked a very long road with docs in a different arena I have learned to trust my gut and I will never be in a doctors office that dismisses any concerns I have. I am sure your doc is a good ped but when your deal with any specialty avenue you need a doc that understands that avenue. Without going in to our family details here on your blog, follow your gut T and make sure the doctor and you/Jason are all on the same page - that is so important. You should never have to sit in your doctors office and be silent. xo
Her smile is contagious!
You can definately see that her little heart is mending and in due time she will want to meet her daddy an din no time she will be Daddy's little girl!
Love, Kristy
Love the pool pics and seeing sweet Eme play on her bedroom floor! That has been such a long time coming! Hoping things will get better soon between Eme and J. I know it will as this seems pretty common amongst others I have talked to. I hate that the ped. was not up on Eme's issues. We had an awesome dr for Meigan there but he moved away when the getting was good. Finding the right Ped. is not always an easy task and harder since we've moved.
I have not read as deeply into attachment as you, so my advice may be totally bogus...my inclination would be to have daddy take over bathtime or feeding her dinner or something small and just work it from there... Will she tolerate Daddy wearing her in the Ergo? Even for a few minutes at a time?
What precious pictures... love the one of her smiling as she floats!
god she is so gorgeous!! snails pace is a good pace, she's getting there and she will with dad too!!
Hi - I've been reading your blog for a while as we too have three bio boys and adopted from china. our daughter arrived home almost a year ago now and she's doing swimmingly. I'm not a big commenter, but had a couple thoughts about therapy to share... my suggestion would be to start getting therapy going. for one, it takes forever to get going (4 months for us before anything really started) and two, because we were able to do everything with her. Her OT and speech therapists were 100% interested in having mom involved in the therapy and though her PT originally wasn't - I just told her that was not possible and we moved on together. In any case, I feel like it was good for her and since we did it all together I don't think it had any negative affect on bonding. Anyway that's just my two cents. I'm sure she'll do great either way - but I do think it was nice for us to have some experts around to help.
glad you're doing so well.
just checking in again to see how things are going????
Kristy
You guys are on my heart. I'm catching up on the last week of what's been going on. Oh, I love those twin dimples & want them to be permanently painted on your sweet baby girls face. We're doing well & so thankful. NO naps at our house, but sleep at night is a treasure that I am smart enough to be very thankful for. Hang in there...you guys are loving Eme in a really wonderful way.
Amy
Eme is such a little doll! I've been following your blog since your referral. She seems to be such a sweetheart!! Her smiles can just melt you! I am sure that she will, in her own time, grow to absolutely adore her Daddy. In the meantime, hang in there Mommy!
Yeah!!! I love the pictures-- that's the Emerson I remember! Glad things are turning around. You hung in their like a champ through the worst of things. :)
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