All is well with us, it's just that I have zero time to blog and I'm not really feeling it lately.
We are practicing attachment parenting and it takes every bit of me ALL the time. I can't just stick E in the high chair and throw some food on the tray and go get something done, as her provider, I sit and feed each bite to her, so she learns that I will provide for her needs. If she was feeling the warm fuzzies for her Daddy, then he would be the only other person allowed to meet her needs . I hold her, rock her & feed her her bottle, I bathe her, I play on the floor with her and it is me who meets every single one of her needs. I carry her in the ergo 6 hours a day, where she still feels the most safe and secure. I did try the stroller out the other day when we went somewhere and I had to get all gussied up.....however, Eme didn't like it. She was anxious ridden and I didn't care how unfashionable the ergo was or the fact that we were outside in 100 degree thick as thick humidity and sweat was the sexy accessory, my girl was going in the ergo.
As hard as it is on me now, I am glad that Eme is showing me that all is not well in her heart by her anxiety when I am out of sight for 2 seconds or when something doesn't feel right to her, her cry reminds me that she needs me. It makes it easier on me to KNOW without a doubt that I can't hand her off to anybody because I THINK she is an easy going girl and she'll be just fine. I feel grateful that she is showing it in the only way she knows how. My girl has been abandoned 4 times already in her short little life. To expect her to just feel safe is ridiculous at this point. She has only been home a little over a month now and that is a small drop of time in the bucket.
She is not okay with Daddy yet, but she is more relaxed around him. I can not rush her heart because of what may be convenient for me now. She will get there, in time. She will learn to trust us both with her whole heart and when she does let the walls down around her heart, she will feel all the love that we already have for her. I could not love her anymore if I tried. I am in awe of this little girl and her resilience to push through with a big 2 dimpled smile on her face.
Everyone in our life has been very supportive of our parenting which is highly helpful to not feel like I need to constantly explain myself. It is a different style of parenting. It's opposite of everything you do with your biological children who are born to you and trust you from the very get go. I have to earn her trust every single second of every single day. She adores her brothers, most especially G. She feels very smitten by him and will happily go to him, he tells me every day how much he loves her and can't believe that she is here. C makes her laugh constantly and W likes to share his snacks.
It's summertime and I don't just have 1 daughter struggling with feeling secure, but I have 3 boys who want to have fun and enjoy their time out of school. I don't have time to play around on the computer or chat on the phone, besides it's really hard to hold a phone & a 19 lb grabby handed girl. There is just not enough of me to go around and I really could use a wife.
&....because every girl needs some girl time, Colleen & Hannah are flying in today for some
4th of July fun. I am hoping to be back with photos soon!
Enjoy your summer!