I'm rather surprised to find out I'm being linked in several different places with folks debating the word "Mommy"
I've thought about posting my thoughts elsewhere, but it got very wordy and turned into this post. So here I go...
If your choice of words is Mommy and Daddy for the birth parents than fabulous, it isn't our choice. I'm sure I will use other terms when Eme is of age to start talking about these things. If she makes the. choice to acknowledge the Mother & Father that gave her life as China Mommy & Daddy then that's what we'll go with. Because we chose to refer to them as her birth parents does not make me insecure & fearful. It isn't me denying my daughter of her first Mother, it doesn't mean that I am missing out on a deeper level of connection with my child...it simply means that we are giving them the names that are true and accurate.
They gave her birth, they chose life for her, but it is not them whom she is referring to when she shouts, "Mommy, molk (milk) please?" When she lays in bed and yells, "MOMMMMY." It isn't them she is calling out for. When she comes running to hug me while saying, "Mommy, Up." I am her Mommy. It is my hand she holds while she drifts off to sleep. I am meeting her daily needs, not her birth Mother. The term Mommy and Daddy is an endearing term that is earned, not given. Like the old quote says, "Anyone can be a Father, but it takes someone special to be a Daddy."
To the blog reader InMySeoul who left the comment on the last post talking about this, I have responded to your comment under the comment section, but I was shocked to see that you actually carried yourself to several other places and made this statement directed to me...
"Who gives these women the right to tell their adopted children that they are the only person to be called "Mom"??? Who made them God and and Webster to decide to change the definition all of a sudden? IF anything, the birth Mother should keep her title of "Mom" and the AP should be the non-"Mommy" word...whatever they use..." Your words. Not mine.
This has to be the silliest thing I've ever read and quite frankly, made me realize that you are not a Mom and yet you spew your thoughts with such anger, for what reason I wonder? Because you are an adoptee really does not mean you harbor all the great insight for transracial adoptees.
Would you suggest that my 3 boys call me "Mommy" and Eme refer to me as her "Birth Mom"...? or "Non Mommy" or "Not so close Mommy"...you've lost your God loving mind.
I can't even address the stupidity of that statement. It's obvious that you have issues to deal with.
My biological grandfather abandoned my Mom when she was a baby, thus abandoning me. I had the opportunity to meet him about 15 years ago and would have never given him the title of "grandpa" or "papaw"
I had 2 fabulous grandpa's that filled the void of where he could have been. He did not earn the title of "papaw" or "grandpa", he chose to NOT be in the picture for the child rearing years.
He was a perfectly nice man that I was happy to meet, but certainly not my "Papaw".
It was nice to see where my brother got his height and where my Mom got her blue eyes and blond hair from, but the title of such an intimate word did not go to him. I called him by his first name until the day he died & when he died, I felt nothing and I didn't attend his funeral, nor did my Mother. I really didn't care, because there was no relationship there. I never heard my Mom refer to him as her 'Daddy', ever.
I stand behind my last post that has been linked all over blog world. The only shocking thing to me was that it is the AP community that has a problem with me not using the term 'Mommy' to give Eme's birth Mother. I really kind of thought the issue would be with the G0tcha Day party not taking place in our home year after year. I guess some things can still surprise me.