I spoke with the techs and was assured that I would be allowed to be with Eme throughout the entire procedure. Thank you all for the melamine reminder, I did inquire about that and according to the Dr., we are dealing with a genetic anatomy issue. I hate the pain she will endure, if I could only absorb it all for her....
I scheduled all nasty things to take place after her 2nd birthday, my 1st with her. I wrote her a letter from my heart today and stored inside of her cute pink box of all things sentimental. I have so many feelings on everything she's already endured & all those feelings that she is yet to absorb. As I rocked her, held her & sang to her in the hospital, my heart was breaking off into a million pieces wondering who held my most precious daughter during the first 15 months of her life...? How in the world did somebody have the strength to leave her lying in front of a building all alone on a cold March day. Who held her when she was sick? When she was in pain? When she needed unconditional love? My heart broke for her first 15 months of life and her past 9 months with us. I wanted to take that magic eraser and make it all beautiful, all perfect in a snugly sort of way. But I can't. I can't wash away her past, her pain, her journey. I can only hope & pray that her story will only make her stronger. She's a magical kind of gal. She has this ability to lure you in with her eyes. She seems to bring out the best in everybody, she's my good time girl and that fact has been a constant part of her personality since the day I first held her. No doubt in my mind that she's resilient, but she is human and my heart breaks for her and all that she's gone through and all that is yet to come.
Have I ever mentioned how much I adore her???
Sometimes I feel like I need to speak a different language to find new words for how heavy she weighs on my heart, she's just so amazing and she has managed to slither her little being into every crevice of our existence.